7 Positive Relationship Tips to Make Love Last, with Dr Judy Krings – PS019

Episode Summary for 7 Positive Relationship Tips

My guest on Positivity Strategist is Dr Judy Krings, a personal and professional positive psychology life coach, clinical psychologist and positivity coach trainer.  We talk about revving up resilience in relationships, which is the focus of her latest book, Rev Up Your Relationship Resilience: 7 Positive Psychology Tips to Make Love Last.  It’s a gorgeous book in all ways: beautiful to look out with heart-felt language and valuable messages. It contains 140 positive tips and strategies and 70 personal beautiful photographs.  This book, like Judy exudes warmth, love, experiences and expertise.

Episode Introduction

Dr.Judy Krings is a particularly warm person.  She’s founder of Coaching Positivity, LLC, a coaching business centered around helping successful people become even more successful.

Judy’s professional and personal story is amazing.  She’s a truly gifted, tireless learner and hugely experienced, having sat of the feet of great masters to become one herself.  We share many of the same heros in this field of positive psychology and she is most definitely one of mine.

In this episode, we talk about revving up resilience in relationships, which is the focus of  her latest book, Rev Up Your Relationship Resilience: 7 Positive Psychology Tips to Make Love Last. It’s a gorgeous book in all ways. It’s beautiful to look at with heart-felt language and valuable messages. It contains 140 positive tips and strategies and 70 of her personal beautiful photographs.

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POSITIVITY LENS for this Episode

Download Judy's suggested “positive activities” for this episode: Hint- it’s about positivity tips to rev up your relationships.

 

Become A Positivity Coach By Hiring One

When Judy’s husband’s health required they move to a warmer client, Judy had to think about how to make it also work for her professionally.  She had a thriving clinical psychology practice in Wisconsin.  With perseverance as one of her signature character strengths, (a detail she found out later after she’d started on the road to positivity), Judy hired a coach to help her make the transition.

Inspired by her new coach, Judy was soon in contact with Dr. Ben Dean, founder of  Mentor Coach and was embarking on the certifications she needed to shift from her professional practice to being a coach.  And she now teaches a course in Positive Psychology Coaching at Mentor Coach. (All links available at the end of the show notes.)

Intuitive Knowing

Once Judy started to learn more about positive psychology from the scientists, the academics and practitioners in the field, she realized, she was already wired this way.  All along in her clinical practice, she’d had a bias toward viewing and treating her patients through the life- affirming lens of positive psychology that focused on wellness and flourishing.

What Is Positivity

Judy describes ‘positivity’ as how to bring greater flourishing in your life, how to have more well-being, being ever mindful of living your best self life everyday and being more resilient.

Character Strengths

In this episode, we engage in a lively exchange about the value of the survey VIA Character Strengths (Virtues in Action.)  We both use this survey in our work.  It identifies a person’s top 24 character strengths.  We laugh at how we were both stunned when we learnt of our own signature character strengths.  Having such knowledge has made such a huge, positive impact in how we live our lives with and ever deepening appreciation for who we are.

Happiest People In The World

• Listen in to learn what are the top seven character strengths of the happiest people in the world.
• Good relationships are a foundation to happiness.  Happiness is also a key to people living longer and being able to express themselves more easily.
• People will say “When I’m successful, I’ll be happy.”  When in fact, it’s the other way round. Happiness makes us more successful in our daily lives.

Book: Rev Up Your Relationship Resilience

In September 2014, Judy was delighted to be a keynote speaker in New Delhi, India, at the 3rd International Conference on Psychology and Allied Sciences. She was asked to speak on positive psychology, with a special focus on relationships.

Her Powerpoint presentation for this keynote grew into an e-book with the title, Rev Up Your Relationship Resilience ~ 7 Positive Psychology Tips to Make Love Last.

The book is a real gift and guide for any relationship, and even though its title suggests intimate relationships, it’s applicable to all relationships, as love is a universal value.

The wisdom and practical guidance in this book serves to strengthen or improve existing relationships and even find and develop new relationships. Let’s face it, every relationship needs a little polishing from time to time.

Positivity Strategies Based On Science

Whatever the state of your relationship, there are strategies and practices that are fun and doable, and, based on science that absolutely build resilience.  You learn new ideas and practices that will enliven and delight you and your partner.  In addition, the book is a most wonderful resource, because Judy provides all the links and references to the science so you can do your own research, if that’s what excites you.

Seven Areas Of Application For Your Relationship Adventure

Listen in to Judy as she speaks to each of the seven areas of application to strengthen your relationship resilience.  In our conversation, we offer a number of examples and share personal stories. Remember, doing this with your partner the goal.  It’s about growing the “we” over the “me.”

1. Strengths – know your own and your partners.  The VIA survey is highly recommended. Knowing and living to your strengths is a key to happiness.
2. Savoring – learn how to savor life,  using all  five senses to experience the fabulousness of life; positive reminiscing counts.
3. Vision – know what you want and what your partner wants in life – support each other for your individual goals and work together on the shared goals; work towards them while valuing the single moments on the way
4. Flow or meaning – experience deep enjoyment through focusing attention intently – learn what it is you can both get lost in and things you enjoy doing, so you lose track of time
5. Communication and grit – a big, broad area to focus on that includes verbals and non-verbals, emotions, attitudes, values – anything that transmits purpose, passion and meaning.  In building resilient relationships, always make your communication a move toward each other, not away
6. Gratitude – the more you practice gratitude, the stronger and easier it gets.  You can never tell your partner enough for what you are grateful.
7. Fun – you’ve got to have fun in your relationship;  build in the time to lighten up and play together; hard work and no play makes us dull, remember?

The golden thread that weaves these areas of application together is knowing what each means to you and how you manifest them in your life, what each means to your partner and how they are manifested, and then what they mean to your most treasured relationship and how you manifest them together.

Relationships Are Like A Kaleidoscope

Life is about how we look at it.  Judy uses the vivid metaphor of a kaleidoscope. Twist it and you see all the different colors and changing patterns.  Life and relationships are like that.  The deeper your appreciation for all the nuances and subtleties, the deeper your appreciation for yourself and others. You will love yourself more and you will love others more as well.

Links Mentioned In This Episode:

• Judy's Website: http://www.CoachingPositivity.com
• Judy on LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/judykringsphdpcc
• Judy on Twitter: http://twitter.com/judykrings
• Judy on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/drjudykrings
• VIA Institute on Character
• Positive Psychology Coaching

Books Mentioned In This Episode: